Biochemical Romance

Augustus 31, 2010

The moment I first saw you, our eyes met
And we smiled excitedly, enchanted by
This radiant energy of life, evolving from
The chemistry of our chance encounter.

The force of our attraction drew me in
And within the first minute of knowing
You, we were locked in a tight embrace.
Happiness reacted, dancing our souls

For the brief time we had together
And securing a subsequent match.
Now we engage in a tentative swirl
In the primordial soup of our love.

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Huidige lewe: Augustus 2010 update

Augustus 23, 2010

Hoe gaan dit met my? Wat is nuut in my lewe? Waarmee hou ek myself besig?

Vir dié wat werklik belangstel en nie net uit gewoonte vra nie: ‘n kort oorsig oor my huidige doen en late.

My gemoed is blink en ek voel goed. Ek is amper 22 en sonder kriminele rekord. 🙂
Ek bly by die huis saam met mammie, pappie en gr.10 boetie in die Paarl. Ja, ek swot nog. Maak nou my 3-jaar graad in 4 jaar klaar. Volgende jaar is dit NOS. Ek gaan nie ophou studeer voor ek 3 grade het nie en dan gaan ek kanse vat met die opsies wat vir my ooplê, tuis of oorsee.

Deesdae gaan slaap ek al 11uur op ‘n weeksaand, mits daar nie ‘n taak die volgende dag ingegee moet word nie.
Gym of draf so drie keer ‘n week, eet gesond (min sout/suiker/olie) en was elke tweede aand my hare met sjampoe.
Ek probeer elke 2de Sondag die oggenddienste bywoon, maar laat Saterdae aande kanselleer soms hierdie ideaal.
Twee maal ‘n week gaan oefen ek salsa danse in Wellington. Daar het ek ‘n paar b-boys ontmoet wat my met mening wil leer breakdance. Ek moet Saterdag by my oupa se verjaardag partytjie ‘n lied sing.

Ek het maande laas gaan fliek, een speeding ticket wat voor my lê, rook een maal in 2 of 3 weke hubbly bubbly. Naweke geskied meestal in die Paarl. Ek het in April laas dagga gerook en in Julie laas lekker gevry. Daar is niemand wat ek tans in die oog het nie.

O ja, ek pieps so 3 maal ‘n dag.

Dis mos omtrent al wat mense wil weet, of hoe?


OCD: compulsions

Augustus 3, 2010

Compulsion compulsion Compulsion

Throughout my school career, I have been reprimanded for fidgeting and restlessness in class. The teachers who reacted to my strange behaviour often made the mistake of placing me in the front desk, right beneath their watchful eyes and sometimes stigmatizing me as undisciplined. My fidgeting would then be even more obvious, ceaselessly irritating them and resulting in more scolding.

It seemed to them like I was challenging authority, when in fact I was overwhelmed with anxiety and losing control over pervading patterns of movements, called compulsions. This is something I have always been aware of: irrational urges that crave for fulfillment and the constant fight to keep them at bay. Sequences of actions scream to be completed before I can move on to a daily task. To be able to ignore them, I had to learn to let go. Chains need not be linked; balance need not be maintained and every itch need not be scratched; imperfections are okay.

During highly stressful times I would fall victim to even harmful compulsions. Then, when I look in the mirror, every visible bump must be squeezed. Sometimes when the tiny bumps do not exfoliate, I would continue until I see blood. It ultimately leads to embarrassment and faint scars, even though I have never had true acne. I also rub and press hard on certain areas of my body. The favourites are my left eyebrow, the lower ridge of my ribcage, lower left abdomen and thigh.

Still today, certain aspects of my fidgeting manifest very often. I change my posture regularly, chew on plastic or rubber objects and tap my feet. Under normal circumstances I repress all these things, but anxiety amplifies every twitch and wayward motion, breaching my threshold of control. Although I do not have an attention deficit, I am very sensitive to all environmental stimuli and my brain is actively absorbing every sound or smell or movement around me, while I focus on my task at hand.

A major mistake that parents or caretakers make with children who have compulsions is to give them a stimulant like ritalin and expecting them to calm down. This actually exacerbates the compulsions or ticks and would have the opposite of the desired effect. These children are often misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, when it is rather a case of mild to full-blown OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


Obsession

Augustus 2, 2010

The smell of your hair is fading from my pillow.
I wallow in emotion, phone in hand
And as the screen turns black, I press a key
To see your message back on-screen.

I’m forcing myself not to call.
The ball is in your court.
Last resort- I fumble a folded note
And dote on the writing there.

A knot is tugging at my core
As more and more tremors ride my spine
And time ticks by, grinding my sanity to splinters.
This winter I spent wondering.

Should I try again or let you go?
No way to know, I rack my mind to find clues
Or cues you may have left to answer this.
I miss you way too much for one day apart.

The smell of your hair is fading from my pillow.
I wallow in feelings of stifling affection and regret,
Forgetting all my memories of you intentionally;
Finally making room for reality.